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Beam Me Up Scotty! (Just for Fun)

Updated: Dec 5, 2023

Whilst I enjoy watching a bit of Star Trek, I am not a full-on Trekkie, so I don’t collect figurines or anything like that. But I did binge watch episodes while at university (it was under the guise of essential research, of course).

The truth is, I can imagine myself as a lieutenant on the USS Enterprise, discovering new alien communities and fighting the Romulans.

Of course, the idea that we’re not alone in the universe isn’t anything new. The human race has been prognosticating about the possibility of life on other planets since Ancient Greek philosophers first started thinking the Earth might not be flat.

Many believe that aliens do exist. Not in an ‘aliens abducted me last night’ kind of way. I just think the statistical likelihood of there being life somewhere in the universe other than on Earth is astronomical (please excuse the pun). The reality is that the chance that we’re all alone in the vastness of space is minuscule.

As the Roman Epicurean poet Lucretius put it: “Nothing in the universe is unique and alone and therefore in other regions there must be other earths inhabited by different tribes of men and breeds of beasts.”

Harvard professor Avi Loeb more recently said that he may have uncovered evidence of aliens. He said it’s a “discovery the likes of which would change how humans understand their place in the universe”.

The reality is, we know so little about potential alien life that could be out there. Until now, the closest we’ve come to a discovery of any kind is speculation from scientists that there may have been water on Mars for long enough to sustain microscopic life.

But going forward we should know a lot more, as long as we haven’t been enslaved by artificial intelligence by then.

If it turns out aliens do exist, will they be friendly or hostile? Will any of them move to Earth? Perhaps they already live among us like Lanthanites.

And if they do move to Earth, will any of them need someone like me, a financial adviser?

In my (unbiased) opinion, it seems this would be prudent decision. After all, aliens probably won’t even understand the way we use currency, so teaching them that would be a good start.

Once the hypothetical alien we’re talking about has established itself as an upstanding member of society, it will obviously need to earn a living.

Many fictional aliens have traits which would make them ideal for all manner of Earth-based job openings. As I don’t have any real-life references, I’ll use examples from Star Trek (I’m not doing a good job of convincing you that I’m not a Trekkie am I?)

Vulcans have emotions but quash them and make decisions based purely on logic - Sounds like ideal traits for a lawyer.

Betazoids, on the other hand, are renowned for empathy, meaning they would make great therapists or psychologists.

Cardassians are all about gender equality. Males and females are on equal footing. So they would be very useful in forwarding the equality agenda here on Earth. Alternatively, they could follow in the footsteps of their namesakes (the Kardashians) and make millions from reality TV.

Klingons are famous for being formidable warriors, so the army seems an obvious career path.

All of these are professions which could very well put these aliens into a salary band where they may wish to seek my advice.

Even something as simple as setting up a bank account could prove a huge challenge for a species unfamiliar with any Earthly processes. If any of you have tried to open a bank account recently, you will understand that challenge.

How likely is a member of Starfleet to be accepted for life insurance if their occupation is space explorer?

And how is a species which could live for millennia, like the Horta – which can live up to 50,000 years, supposed to plan for their future and retirement?

So let’s face it, financial advisers like me certainly don’t need to stress about artificial intelligence stealing my clients and, therefore, my living, becauseI’m a forward thinking guy and already gearing up to add a new section of society to my client base - Beam me up Scotty!

  • For personal advice about this article, or any other financial subject, please do not hesitate to contact me

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